Two days ago I ordered flowers for Nicole on I figured they should be pretty reliable -- when I think of flowers I think of FTD; and I buy stuff online all the time.

Nothing was further from the truth.

All day yesterday -- Valentine's Day -- I waited for word from her that flowers had arrived at her office. She works in Harlem and, while there are flower shops throughout the city, I had a feeling that deliverers would wait until the end of the day to make it up by her.

But by late afternoon I heard nothing. So I asked her about it, spilling the beans in the process. Immediately after, I called FTD to see what the hell was going on, since I had now gotten Nicole nothing for Valentine's Day. I was greeting with a recording that told me something to the effect of, "Due to high holiday call volume, no one can take your call. Please go to the web site."

So I went to the site and filled out a form with my confirmation number and name. I was told I'd get an email as soon as they had word from the florist who was delivering my flowers. But the rest of the day ticked by and I heard nothing. By last night it was obvious that I had nothing to show for Valentine's Day.

Meanwhile, Nicole got me socks and chocolate.

Today (2/15), she still hadn't received anything and I hadn't heard back. I called again and got the same asinine recording, so I again filled out the web form. This time, a couple of hours later, I heard back:

Thank you for your recent purchase from FTD.COM for Nicole Bourdon.

Unfortunately, at this time we do not have a florist available in your recipient's delivery area who can deliver your product on 2/14. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience. A full
refund in the amount of your order has been issued to your payment method.

We deeply regret that we were unable to fill your order.
Please accept our apologies and an offer for $10 off future purchases by visiting

No wonder you can't deliver my product on 2/14 -- not unless you know Doc Brown and have access to his Delorean!

I love that they're asking me to visit to get $10 off future purchases.

If you go to the FTD site you'll see a banner telling you that you have a "Second Chance for Romance!" Not with FTD I don't.