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The search for lost celebrities is a pleasant distraction from the recent violent protests going on in Afghanistan against alleged abuse of the Quran by American soldiers at Guantanamo Bay. Don't worry; the Joint Chiefs of Staff assures us that nothing is happening. Thanks, Joint Chiefs, for the reassurance. We believe you. Afghans are willing to die over this, but I'm sure they're just being emotional.

If this is really happening, my question to these asshole interrogators is this: why don't you learn? These methods don't work. In fact, they really don't work. They turn people against us. Oh yeah, and they're oppressively ignorant and offensive.